Four Game Changing Skills That I Wish I Had Known When I Was Younger:
- “No” is ok: As a boy I feared “no”. I rarely asked for what I wanted because “no” felt like an insurmountable barrier and as a result, left me without authentic and deep connections. Many boys experience this similar fear. The real bond that cements authentic relationships is the vulnerability to ask for what you want knowing that you might get a no and that the conversation can continue regardless of the answer. Imagine if you could have a life where you can ask for what you need and the authenticity behind that gives you a community of supportive men and women that see you for who you are. You have learned to be curious and open about connections. Your friends and peers have mutual trust with you because they know you will show up, ask for what you need, and respect their response.
- Foster close relationships with other boys and men: As a thoughtful young man it was easier for me to have female connections. My male relationships were often solely based in sports and physical activities where we rarely spoke about our inner lives. I felt a loneliness that left me feeling consistently empty. This kind of dynamic is all too common today where the world seems to be suspicious and fearful of the masculine and at the same time yearning for a healthy masculine persona to arise. Imagine if you could have gone back and told yourself as a child that he can be authentic with other boys and eventually men and some of them will embrace and celebrate him. While he is being celebrated, he will learn to accept himself and then feel powerful and safe in the world. From this place of self-love his confidence will attract skillful employers, loving partners and true friends. His world will be filled with adventure, financial success and love.
- Set clear boundaries: As a boy I was not clear with myself and with my connections to others. I often showed up late, didn't follow through with agreements, and I didn't trust my instincts so people were able to invade my personal space and disrespect my time. I wasted valuable time interacting with people that didn't fully embrace me. Does this sound familiar? Imagine that instead of this experience of frustration and missed opportunities you can have an experience where you say no confidently and get what you want. Not everyone will be ok with this and you’re comfortable with that reality. You get people that show up for you and trust you.
- Forgive yourself for mistakes: I thought it would make me a stronger person if I pushed myself and was unrelenting in my quest for personal growth. However, there is a cost to having an relentless inner voice. In relationship it becomes externalized and I could not maintain close relationships with people without being hyper critical of them as well. It hurt me to watch this unconscious part of myself wounding my partners. I cared about them, but I was stuck in a world where the voice of love was also intertwined with criticism. Imagine if you could take big risks because you trusted yourself and embraced mistakes as part of the learning process. Imagine that it is ok to fail because you know that you’re going to get there and failure is a step in that process. You start connecting more often and easily because you’re more spontaneous as you become gentler with yourself and those you love.